Do you try and stop yourself from feeling the hurt that comes when starting over? As a military wife, “starting over” and “loneliness” are a few of my close friends. They aren’t exactly the company I like to keep, and it might sound crazy, but some of the very best relationships in my life have come from times of starting over and the loneliness that comes along with it. It forces me to push past my comfort zone and into making new friends, new connections. But I have also found an important step of giving myself permission to grieve, take time and slowly adjust to my new location. This military life is hard, but the good things that come with it are what make it worth it.
When you move to a new place you sometimes get so caught up in your to do list that you forget the importance of listening to yourself. Give yourself permission to listen to the inner you when starting over. The person who often gets ignored when life gets busy and you have to get it all done. You need to listen to your inner self. Give yourself time and space to grieve, feel and deal with all the emotions that come along with moving.
If you are like me, you see the list of things to get done before you move as your responsibility and are overly busy and occupied for weeks. Then the move sets in and it is time to pick up, load up and fill up boxes and move to a new location. And then you arrive and your hard work doesn’t end as you unload, unpack and find a new spot for all your things.
I think at the end of this transition period there are a lot of emotions you feel and one of the big ones is loneliness. You have gone through a huge life transition. And sometimes the culture around you makes you feel as if it is not okay to be sad and reflect on what was lost. Culture says to look at all you have to be grateful for. A new adventure, a new place to explore, but finding a new everything can be exhausting and hard.
Permission to feel when starting over
You need to give yourself permission to have some time of not being okay. Sometimes we are pushed so hard to put on a happy face and not deal with the reality that where we are and what we have may not be what we want. And it is okay to feel that way. It is okay to say I am not happy we are here, but I am going to push forward and make the best of it. Those feelings are both healthy and normal. If you skip the step of acknowledging how you feel you may get stuck. You might miss the good things to come or already happening all around you.
You need to give yourself permission to have time to feel out your good feelings along with the bad ones. When you move, there are good things and bad things. Both sides have feelings that go along with them. Taking time to sort through these feelings is an important step toward healing and moving forward.
You need to give yourself permission to make peace with the change to something new. And the good or bad while saying goodbye to the past life you once knew.
You need to give yourself permission to let the kids watch television a little longer than you would like to.
So you have time not only for yourself, but all the things on your to do list.
You need to give yourself permission to make new friends. Friendships change as you are separated by time and space. It doesn’t make them any less important or valuable. They may be even more valuable even if you don’t talk every day, week or month. You know those friends will be there when you need them. No matter how much time goes between your conversations. But while old friendships are important so are making new ones in your new community.
Starting Over is Hard
Starting over is hard, but it also brings growth if you let it. While the military life is not quite like what I imagined it would be. I feel lucky that I am able to grow and experience a new community and group of people. Taking from each life experience things I can use and share with others in my next location.
Starting over in a new town is part of my story. And maybe part of the mission God has given me. As I am able to share my journey and pour into others. Building new communities as I move from place to place. But it won’t change the fact that I will need to give myself permission to feel. That way I can deal with the emotions that come with moving. Starting over is a gift and it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.