Another Thursday night so it is time for Five Minute Friday. And this week the word is Abandon or in my case I used abandoned. If you want to join in head over to Kate’s blog.
I have never been abandoned.
But I think when I first came into motherhood I felt like I had been abandoned or maybe it was something else.
Do you remember what it was like to first become a mom. Maybe you had instant love or where more like me and it took some time to find that connection to be a mom. To realize you were a good mom.
Did you go home from the hospital with the same feeling, wondering how they could let you take home this precious bundle and actually care for it. Do you remember how hard it was to change the first few diapers and now years later with your second it is second nature. Something akin to riding a bike.
I felt so lost when I dove deep into motherhood. It wasn’t anything like I pictured in my head or like I planned. I was going to be super mom and have my kid do all the things good things that babies do. I especially was going to figure out how to make him sleep.
But things didn’t go quite like I planned and a few weeks in I felt alone, abandoned and wondering what lie I had been sold.
Is this really all there is to motherhood? Being beat down and feeling like you are failing and what I also remember is being so lonely. I had a baby with me all the time, but I had never been so alone and longing for connection.
A mess. A beautiful mess that allowed me to be humbled. To grow from the sorrow and pain. And now looking back I wouldn’t have it any other way.
What was your journey to motherhood like? Did you feel abandoned?