For a while I have been running from who I used to be. I don’t know if running away is the right word. But I have been feeling like the story I’m sharing doesn’t matter because I’m not who I used to be. Maybe deep down I feel like staying at home doesn’t make me worthy of who I used to be. Or possibly and more likely, I felt that focusing on who I used to be meant I wasn’t fully enjoying the life I currently have. That might be why I have been trying so hard to not write about my military experience and how it affects me today. I was starting to believe that who I was didn’t have bearing on who I am now. It has been 3 years since I left the military, shouldn’t I just move on?
I recently heard that a person isn’t considered a civilian until 7 years after they leave the military community. Considering I’m married to someone and am still connected to the military. I would say 7 years won’t even be long enough. And no matter what I will always be a military veteran and it will always shape who I am and who I will be.
No more Running
I’m not going to run from it anymore. I’m not going to hide or think that I can’t share my past experiences, especially when they affect who I am today. There are so many people who don’t know the good stories from Afghanistan and the work people are doing. People also don’t know how women have been on the front lines long before there was a law in place that said they could be there. I’m sharing my story for all of us.
I feel like it is really hard to keep track of who you are once you become a mom. Your life changes in an instant and so dramatically. It is impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t had it happen to them. And even if they are a mom they might not remember how it all changed the day the baby joined their lives. Even before my second son was born I couldn’t remember all the hard parts of having a baby. Then when baby number two came along and wasn’t so hard I was really confused. Then one day my parents took my oldest for the day and I was left alone with a baby all day and was so lonely. It wasn’t hard to remember the lonely feelings of new motherhood.
Idealistic dreams of what life would be like with reality quickly crashing in. In my mind motherhood looked so different. Somehow I got lost in the fog and forgot how important it was to remember who I was and who I am today. Don’t let the fog of motherhood make you forget who you are. And if you are lonely and looking for answers hopefully my words can help guide your way. And I am always willing to listen, to hear and hopefully lend a supportive hand.
I’m not who I used to be. But that doesn’t change the fact that I did do amazing things and I learned so much from my past life. I need to share about how it shaped me. And how it still matters because it really does and so do you.