Breathe a sigh of relief – Welcome Home

It is time for Five Minute Friday. Starting the weekend a little early with some fun. Tonight’s word is breathe. Rules are simple write for five minutes on the word breathe. So join in on the fun at Kate’s site. This week she featured Lisa Jo Baker who originally started Five Minute Friday and was the reason I started this blog.

Coming home made it so I thought I could breathe again, but life was forever changed.

GO

When I got home from Afghanistan I let out a big sigh of relief. I could finally breathe. I was home again, but really I wasn’t.

My husband had moved our house and himself off to a new assignment and I came home to a few towels and handful of clothes. I was home, but not home. And the world that I came back to was nothing like the one I left. I went from being totally unconnected to being plugged in. There were advertisements, billboards, places and things to do.

I was planning to meet up with a friend and to get to her house I had to cross an open field. You would think it wasn’t a big deal, but open fields in Afghanistan often meant that there was the potential for landmines. I could see foot prints in the dirt, I knew I was in a safe place, but try as I might I could not walk across the open field. So instead I took the long way around. The safe way.

Deploy really changes you, I was home, but changed. I was safe, but different. I never realized how much going to a war zone could quickly creep back into everyday life. At first it was feeling like there was always something missing since my 9mm and M4 were no longer by my side. But memories kept popping up every now and then. Making it harder to be home.

Years later the memories seemed to have faded, but I’m sure there is more to it than what it seems. Hopefully in time I will soon find a way to breathe.

STOP

 

Well another memory, it wasn’t really what I was planning when I started, but I guess that is the fun with Five Minute Friday you never really know what you are going to get.

19 comments on “Breathe a sigh of relief – Welcome Home

  1. I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you to come home after war. Thank You for your service to this country. Blessed to be your neighbor this week.

    • I saw you were your neighbor and was excited to see you. Thanks for reading. I think now that it is years later I’m finally realizing how important sharing my story is in learning to breathe.

  2. Amanda, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to re-adjust to civilian life. Things that we think nothing about like walking across a field could totally trigger something in your thinking. Thank you for sharing your stories. I find them really interesting and think you are amazing!

    Blessings to you!

    • I’m so happy you enjoy reading them. I really didn’t want to share this one, but you know that is what happens when you do fmfriday!

  3. Amanda, I SO get this! A few Christmases ago a neighbour left a package on the gate, and I wouldn’t let my wife near it until I glassed it and took a slow approach. Trash by the roadside really bothers me, and when I was still able to drive I drove tactically, by habit that could not be broken.

    I never really came home.

    #2 at FMF this week.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/02/your-dying-spouse-267-being-fair-to-god.html

  4. Amanda, such a good post. I can imagine it’s hard to readjust your thinking to civilian life after you’ve been in a place where you’re always on the watchout for danger. I hope you’re finding home where you are now, and that as that time in your life moves further back in your history, that you’re able to breathe a little more freely now.

  5. Thank you for the service you gave for all of us back home here! And then when you came home again–I can’t imagine the triggers and changes that you went through. I appreciate the words that you have shared! Many Blessings to you!

    • This was really the only major trigger I remember. It was weird because I never actually worried about mine fields when I was overseas. But I also never came up to a big open field. I’m not sure what triggered the fear, but I feel better now that I wrote it down and acknowledged it.

  6. Amanda, thank you for your service and for sharing the experiences that have met you back here. I pray that each day you will find more and more comfort and peace to breathe. You are so appreciated.

    • Thank you Kelly. It is weird that something you thought would just be a part of your life stays with you forever.

  7. That transition has to be very difficult. Most of us wouldn’t think twice about crossing a field! Do you still think about that kind of stuff when you’re out and about?

    • Not very often. That was the only time it was really intense and I had been home for only a few days.

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