Some days being a mom is hard. I don’t know what made today extra hard, but it was a day of confusion and frustration. I felt like my mind was swimming. I have been getting fairly crappy sleep for weeks so I’m not sure what about last night made this morning so hard. It could have been harder than I realized. Or maybe all the nights in a row of waking up and taking care of a little baby all rolled together. Or maybe it was the fact I randomly tweaked my back and was in pain. Who knows, it all rolled together and today just felt like a slow moving train wreck.
The crazy part is that it really wasn’t a bad day, but for some reason it was so hard. I enjoyed a fun play date and got both boys to nap at the same time. Most days I would say that was a win, but today…
I just felt in a funk
And wanted the day to be over
So tomorrow would start and today would be in the past.
Some days life is so hard and when you can’t pinpoint why your mind starts to wander to dark places wondering if you are really cut out for this motherhood business after all. You thought you were making progress and had learned so much from baby number one it should be easy this time, but alas it isn’t. It is still hard.
In reflection, the hardest months for me with my first born were not right after birth it was actually the 4-6 month window. My husband was gone for month 3 and 4 and when he returned I thought my life would go back to being normal and he would fix it all. But instead, his return only brought more doubt and frustration. It was a dark time and I felt so alone. So it is kind of interesting that the last few weeks I have started to go from a good place to a loss. Things are getting harder and nothing really has changed. I’m feeling overwhelmed over things that I was able to take care of just weeks ago.
I guess I’m learning more about myself and how I cope. I got through childbirth and the first few months, maybe on a high, but I’m slowly coming back down to reality and reality isn’t bad, but I need to find some grace to give myself as I learn to adjust and transition into the new me that I am growing into.
I thought the transition would only happen once. When I went from working woman to stay at home mom. But somehow here we are a few months after birth and I’m going through a transition again. From mom of one to mom of two. I am realizing it and can work on finding a boat load of grace and some good friends to lean on. I’m sure going to need both of those things.
Let’s see what is on the other side. I know good things are to come and this is just a phase. So I’ll push on and put my optimistic attitude and leave my complaining at the door. Tomorrow is anew. We will start fresh and move forward because that is all we can do.