In motherhood it seems easier to give friends kindness and grace long before we give it to ourselves. I think for me that was the hardest part when I made the transition from a working mom to staying at home mom. I had been a long time doer and list checker and when I became a mom, my to do list was very long and the things that were checked off each day paled to what still need to be done on my to do list. I don’t even remember what I thought was so important to get done each day, but each day ended and I felt like a failure at being the best mom. I mean it is so easy right?
Apparently, I’m not the only one who struggles in this journey of motherhood. Is it the books, social media or just a deep down feeling that makes it seem like your baby is the only baby who doesn’t do what he should do? I mean, he woke up 6 times last night and then his nap was horrible. That should all be on me. Fail. He is 6 months, wait 9 months, hold that 12 months old and still not interested in solids. Will this child ever eat food? Maybe I should make him eat, how do I make him eat? He isn’t crawling yet, he might walk before he crawls, then I will be doomed for life. Oh wait, he is crawling and now walking. I guess that worry was for nothing. And the list goes on.
It took some time, but eventually I was able to find grace in motherhood instead of failure. I have learned to not be so hard on myself and instead give some grace and kindness to this tired weary mom. The first six months with my first son were hard, so very hard. Looking back, I realize it was going to be hard either way. Learning to be a parent is not as natural as you would expect, but I also put unrealistic expectations on myself and my precious baby. Luckily, I learned something from baby number one and now with baby number two I have experienced joy and peace.
The days are still long and some days are better than other, but the peace and calmness I have found makes life worth living even if you don’t get a full night’s rest for months and months. I know one day I will sleep again and right now the time is precious, even if it is so hard. It will go by quickly and soon it will only be a memory. And the deeper I get into motherhood, the more I realize this kindness I’m finding for myself will only make me stronger and a better mom for my kids and other moms around me. When we throw away the pedestal and just meet people down at their level that is the best kindness we can offer.