Instant love. I had heard about it and thought it was a myth then I had Baby J and fell head over heels in love. It was instant love, love at first sight, the whole shebang.
I never knew what instant love was like until baby number two. With my first son, it took a few weeks, truthfully more like a few months, to fall in love with him. When my son was born I was just happy to be done. Tired from a really long labor. I didn’t have the birth experience I had hoped for. So when they wished him away I didn’t really care, I just wanted to rest. I was also joining the motherhood crew with something to prove rather someone to love. I knew I was going to be a great mom. And I was ready for an easy ride and maybe another trophy to add to my achievement case.
Rough Start With Baby Number One
But things didn’t go like I planned. My easy ride did not happen. Being a mom was a lot harder than I expected. It just didn’t go like I planned. The books made it seem so easy so they were no help at all. The harder I worked to push and force and mold this baby to do what I thought he was supposed to do the more I felt like a failure. It took awhile, but eventually I realized he was who he was and if he didn’t do what the book said it wasn’t a failure on my part or his.
He just was a little human and fit into his own mold. I started taking cues from him instead of books and life began to be a lot more fun. It was still hard, mind you, but my love started to grow and my life started to change as I started to realize what motherhood was all about. Overall, it took a long time to adjust and long time to find peace with myself, my first baby and my new life.
This second time it is so different. Once I found out we were expecting I was so excited and ready to meet the little guy growing inside of me. Instead of counting down the weeks not really knowing what was coming. I was giddy with excitement and wishing there was fewer weeks to go, less time to meet our new arrival. Even though I knew about the sleepless nights and long days ahead I couldn’t help but be excited. The blessing and hard work were with me each day in my first son and I was so in love with him, I couldn’t wait to meet baby number two.
Baby number two arrived just as I had hoped.
I had a natural birth and when he arrived my first words were I’m so glad you are finally here. This time there was tiredness from delivery and complete instant love. He was on my chest and was perfect. I was in love. And when they cleaned him up a bit and I had caught my breath my love only grew.
We spent the first few hours cuddled up together and our family felt complete. I was so happy he was finally here. And as we came home and he got to meet his big brother he just melded into our lives. By the time Christmas came two weeks later our family of four felt whole and I couldn’t remember how it was before.
I was so in love with our new family, our new baby and all the things that go with it. I can’t wait to see what is in store for our new life as a family of four.
And now I know what instant love is.
It is all thanks to the baby I had such a hard time loving as he knocked the wind out of my sails. And helped change me into who I am today.