The deeper I get into this motherhood gig, the more I realize that it is more work than I realized. And as I dream of my little guy growing up to do amazing things like use a toilet instead of a diaper. I’m already learning that although motherhood is going to change. It will be still be hard work.
I wonder what the difference is between a mom watching her 5 year old graduate from preschool and her 18 year old walk across the stage and receive his diploma. With the trouble my almost two year old gets into I’m sure she is surprised they are both still alive, but I am guessing the emotion behind both proud mamas is pretty similar.
My little baby is already turning into a little boy and when I look at him, especially when he is sleeping I see that little guy who used to cuddle up on my chest and go fast asleep. Today for his nap he tried to be that little baby and just his head was about all he could fit on me. My sweet and cuddly little boy.
He is teaching me so much and helping me to learn about myself and some days the things I see in me I don’t like, but I know I can be better. I know I can grow stronger, but I can’t do it alone. I am so lucky to have Jesus here beside me to pick me up when I fall. To help me as the world around me starts to fall apart.
I thought I knew what it meant to rely on Jesus. Heck, I went to Afghanistan and had a few life or death situations. I thought nothing could stop me, but somehow a little 8 pound baby boy was able to rock my world and continues to teach me more about living.
So, I’m going to keep on going because really I don’t have a choice, but I am going to try and stop doing it all on my own. I need someone stronger than me to rely on. I need someone who can make up for my failures. I am going to focus on the light. And focus on His truth because without it I will only end up going backwards and that isn’t something I want to do.

19 comments on “Motherhood

  1. Amanda, I love reading about your love for your son. Children truly do grab our heartstrings & teach us so much about ourselves & the world around us. Take it one moment at a time. Enjoy the ride 😀

  2. Ah yes… it IS very similar – those graduations! And when the 18year old graduates, part of your Mama heart will be seeing them as if they were still 5! I can’t imagine doing this whole Mama gig without the love and ever-present help of Jesus… then again, I believe He is there with all of us whether we know Him or acknowledge Him or not. It’s just so much better to know and acknowledge Him! Great post!

    • Thanks. I’m not surprised the emotions are the same. I didn’t think about how you always see them as the little boy or girl. I can’t believe how much motherhood changes you as a person. Such an amazing experience.

    • I have heard that before. I think looking back and looking forward it is easy to look at the good only and not the reality of both the good and the bad. Moms are amazing at all stages.

    • Thanks. I wrote this a long time ago. I think before I took my blogging break. Some days are good, some days are hard, but in the end it is worth it all.

  3. I remember feeling that way, too. I had been the oldest of six, and was 17 when my youngest sister was born, so I thought I was all ready to have kids. It’s so different when they’re your own! Being a parent has brought me to my knees more than anything else in my life, but that’s a good place to be.

    • Amen. It so true. It brings you to your knees, but you grow in a way you never could before and the rewards are worth it. 🙂

  4. When they reach their teens, they teach you patience and how to love all over again. I know my daughter turns 13 in less than two weeks. Some days I miss the little girl who thought I was the world. Now, it ‘s her friends. Mom does not know anything anymore. She still needs me though. She needs me to tell her how beautiful she is; how smart; how lovely. She needs me to show her how Christ will bless her is walks with Him. Thanks for sharing. I miss those days when she was little; but I am so proud of the young lady she is becoming. You will go through that too soon.

    • A challenge I’m sure. I think it is amazing how much children teach us about ourselves and how much we can teach them.

  5. Being a mom is the greatest gift I have ever been given. Each milestone your child experiences will bring you great joy and you will be proud of your son over and over. I am the mom of two sons, who are in their 20s and we still have many proud moments together. Thank you for sharing about your son today.

    • Such encouragement from someone who has a few years experience to provide encouragement. I keep thinking one day he will grow up and won’t be my snuggly little boy, but it is still so far away in my mind right now. Looking forward to the adventure and the proud moments to come.

  6. Hi!!! I was wondering why I haven’t seen anything from you in a while, and DUH your blog moved! I no longer saw you on the READER and I saw you moved your blog 🙂 glad I found it again! miss seeing you over at Tuesday at Ten 🙂

    anyways, now I have you book-marked 🙂


    • I don’t know if it really moved. I have been using this domain for about a year, but i did take a step back from blogging and haven’t been linking up as much. Life all changed in April when we found out we are expecting baby #2 in December. We are excited, but the emotions and tiredness of it all almost made me stop, but luckily I have found a good balance between blogging and life. I’m so glad you found me again. 🙂

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