Dear Second Baby,
It is so different with you, second baby. I remember being pregnant with your older brother, going to work each day and knowing life would change. No more sleeping in on weekends, no more lazy days, no more I don’t know. I just knew it would be different. So to say I was content to still be pregnant when I hit 40 weeks and then 41 is pretty true. I was so content with life and thought it couldn’t be better. Truthfully, I was a little stressed out that my easy life was going to get all messed up. I would wish for life before. And maybe I did miss it for a little while, but days turned into weeks, and weeks into months and before you know it months had turned into a year. And looking back, life was different then, but oh so much better now.
I don’t get the sleep I used to and working at home raising your brother isn’t as easy as I expected, but it is also way more fun. And when after months of trying to get pregnant with you, my heart jumped with joy when I finally saw two little lines instead of one. Even then I couldn’t wait to meet you. I started dreaming about holding you, what you would look like and if you were a boy or a girl.
You helped me realize how much I love your brother. And in some ways that helped me realize I am actually a good mom. You opened my eyes to the love I have for him and now you. You created a special bond with me that I never had with him. I was so focused on preparing for his arrival. Not really knowing what was in store that the pregnancy with your older brother was different. My focus was on childbirth and not so much on the baby inside me. This time it is different. My focus is on you and I cannot wait to meet you.
This Time is Different
This time, I sing to you often, but mainly it is because lately big brother has been asking me too. And we read loads of books too. I give my belly hugs and tell you that I’m ready, even though I know you are not and we still have weeks to go. Big brother gives you kisses too, even though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t understand all the changes going on and the changes to come. I love to feel you move around inside me letting me know that you are doing well. I think it is funny that you are stubborn and won’t kick when I place your dad’s hand on my tummy.
Occasionally I think about how hard the first few months with your brother were, but now that I can see the light at the end of that long tunnel I know it is worth it. I wonder if you will want to snuggle just the way he did. If breastfeeding will work out well. What color will your eyes and hair be? I dream about you often and it crazy because I am more prepared for what is to come, but I don’t care.
Labor will be intense and it likely will take time before I get regular sleep again, but you will be here and I will get to love you. I don’t think I will have the same fears as before. I will spend more time snuggling and less time cleaning. More time staring and less time reading. I just know I can’t wait to meet you. I will love you when I do because I already love you now baby boy number two.