We just finished Love and Respect with our marriage group in Ohio and we moved to California and the group we joined…they were doing it again. Luckily, they were near the end so we just hoped in for the last two months. It was amazing to me how quickly I forgot the great truths from Love and Respect and just started living my life and jumping right back on the Crazy Cycle. Now we have started the 5 Love Languages and I think it is so interesting how the two can work together.
The main thing I received from Love and Respect was how men and women are wired differently, not wrong, just different. Men want to feel respected and women want to feel loved. It is how we are created, which leads to conflict. Now we are learning about how we love differently and how we have different dialects within love languages.
My husband and I are lucky because our number one love language is the same. We both find quality time to be the most important way to show and feel loved. But after reading Love and Respect I have learned that we have two different dialects when it comes to spending time together to fill our love tanks. My husband just wants me to be there. He wants me sitting in the room, riding a bike or whatever the activity is. Me being there is quality time for him. But for me I want to connect. I want to have discussions about interesting topics and amazing adventures.
Another thing interesting about having the same love language is that since we both desire to spend time together we often meet the need for our love tank in this regard, but when my love tank starts to feel low, I general point out things within my secondary love language (acts of service) as ways that would make me feel more loved. My husband’s secondary language is physical touch.
The more we learn about each others personal needs the better we are able to react and help our marriage continue to be strong. But the thing we constantly need to remember about marriage; is marriage is not about for our benefit. Marriage was created for companionship, yes, but it also requires sacrifice and service. And when you are serving the other person, you are serving God.
What marriage books have helped you with your marriage and why?
Linking up with Inspire Me Mondays.