Becoming a mom was not really what I expected. I had accomplished so much before I became a mom, so I figured being a stay at home mom would be easy. I would dream of when I could stay home and have carefree days with books to read and fun play dates to fill my week.
Then I became a mom and a few months went by and it was not so easy and it was not so fun. Instead of finding joy and excitement with each new week I just dreaded how lonely I would be. I went from working with people and interacting with them to being at home with a baby who did not talk or express how much he loved or needed me.
More often than not I would hear him crying again and those cries told me I was not good enough. I was not measuring up to be the perfect mom I had imagined I would be.
It took me a long time to accept that moms all look different and we all struggle. We may not struggle the same, but we all have days when we feel lonely and don’t measure up.
I regularly thought about going back to work to find the fulfillment I was missing, but with my husband being in the military and us moving soon there was not any real way to make it happen.
I was happy with the choice we made to have me stay home, but always wondered what could have been and thought maybe we could have made it work until recently when I went to a baby shower and spent time talking to a working mom. She told me about how hard it was for her to work and miss so much of her son growing up. She felt guilty about being at the shower because she had such limited time with him during the week. Here I was enjoying my time with girl friends and not having a second thought about my son who I left behind with dad and she was missing her son. Counting the minutes and hours she had given up.
It was a special blessing to be reminded how the thing I had thought I had given up would have taken me away from the thing I felt I needed to do.
It has been a journey to accept staying at home is where I need to be.
Staying at home is not what I expected and most days don’t go like I plan, but it is worth every sacrifice and in the end it is what works best for our family, which means it is the best choice for me.
[tweetthis]Staying home is the best place for me. @Airman2Mom[/tweetthis]
I linked up with Finding the Grace Within for Tuesday at Ten.