The First Night

Day 30 – First

By the end of my deployment I slept through rocket attacks and all the other sounds that went living in a combat zone for months on end, but the first night as I tired as I was I could not sleep.

I remember laying in my bunk with a blanket and a jacket for my pillow (We arrived late at night and I did not know that I need to pack in a way that I could get to my sleeping bag easily) trying to sleep. Every time I would start to get comfortable and relax I would hear a noise. Sometimes it was a loud blast, sometimes it was a helicopter flying overhead, sometimes it was just someone walking next to the tent. I was on edge and could not sleep.

I was so afraid of not surviving the deployment. I could not sleep. I was on edge in a world I did not understand and was so sure if I fell asleep something bad would happen. I was full of adrenaline and wide awake. I wondered how others slept around me in such a world of unknown. But the first night I was there nothing happened. Strange noises came and went and I laid patiently waiting for morning to arrive.

It is odd to think the final rocket attack that happened days before I headed home I did not even wake up. My friend who heard it laid in bed waiting for the all-clear. No running for the bunkers, no worry more was coming. Our mindset had changed and we had weathered the storm. We were days from going home and I am not sure how that changed us, but I guess for some reason we no longer were afraid. We knew if it was our time there was not anything we could do. So sleep came easy and it no longer was a battle and somehow we survived.

See all my 31 Days…Military Life

7 comments on “The First Night

  1. What a powerful memory… and testimony of what can shift inside of us – while nothing really changes on the outside – and how that shift can make all the difference! Again – thank you for your service… then and now!

  2. Love your storytelling – we don’t hear from service women often. Though I have to say that each time I read your posts I wish you’d add some application for us – some takeaway into our shared experiences here in the battlefield of motherhood. Just a thought. So appreciate you!

    • Your challenge is an interesting one. It makes me think of a post I wrote a few months ago. It was a reflection of my deployment and to believe in yourself. I might have to go back to all my posts and add a challenge. Thanks for the encouragement and idea on how to connect with my readers. 🙂

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